Saturday, May 14, 2005

You're On My Last Nerve, Lady!

dear user,

i would like to tell you that you're a complete fucking moron. it really doesn't make a difference to me that you've published papers and journals and books and even won a big fucking prize. what does matter to me is that you lack the skills it takes to tell me the following:
  • what office you're in
  • what operating system you're using. lady, you've pretty much got three choices here: Solaris, Linux, or Windows. you use it every day, all day, so how is it that you don't know?
  • if you requested a NRF on a new laptop, you had to have given us a name for it. without the name, we can't set up a new node. when i ask you what you named it, don't say "can't you look it up?" ARGH!!

i can't stand you. you're one of the users that gets under my skin and pisses me off. not only are you basically clueless, you also steal reams of 11x17 paper. i've caught you in the act twice but you still do it. what makes you think you can take our paper? BUY YOUR OWN, BITCH!

also, you're one of the scientists here who has made your office your home. i am pretty sure you only leave the building twice a month. how do i know this? because you've been wearing the same outfit for the past 13 days. and, you stink.

seriously, don't come by the desk again. if you need help, i suggest you contact me via email. because if i hear your mousey little voice or smell your stink once more, i'm going to lose my shit. and you DON'T want to see that.

and i also hate you, the user who says "is it really going to take that long?" when i tell you you can come back in one hour for your poster.

and i hate you for lying when you say "but i printed out two posters yesterday and it took 20 minutes!"

and i hate you the most when you give me a dirty look when i say "no, that's impossible. printing and drying of a three-foot-by-five-foot poster takes at minumum 45 minutes."

and i want to strangle you because you left it to the last minute and then blame me because the printer isn't "working fast enough."

bite me.

the help desk girl

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