Friday, January 06, 2006

Trading Spouses, You've Done It Again!

ok, so the griffins are watching Trading Spouses right now, and the families are just hysterical. but should i expect any less? it IS on FOX and all.

i'm going to liveblog this shiznit.

9:02 - the platnum blond woman from florida is a total fitness freak who loathes her husband. her husband is a dork who only likes to eat peanut butter. he likes star trek, she makes fun of him. he works with computers, she parties all night with her friends. here's their bio.

9:04 - the mom from wisconsin seems like a sweetie. she says she's best friends with her hubby. awwwww! they have two kids and live on a farm. they seem pretty functional and totally without drama. here's their bio.

9:07 - we see how much the FL woman hates her husband. she doesn't even kiss him goodbye. he laments over their relationship. he says "i don't know why she's with me". that's sad. the WI family seems really tight. the WI mom is sad to leave her hubby and kids. they kiss and hug before she leaves.

9:15 - both moms can't find the other husbands at the airport. the FL mom just leaves her luggage on the corner while she walks past the WI dad (who looks like Larry the Cable Guy). the WI mom kind of has an idea that the FL dad is her "new" husband, but he's not much of a talker so it takes a while. finally he agrees that, yes, he's the "new" husband.

9:21 - scary mom from FL starts reading little green books suited for 2-5 year olds to the kids that are 14 + 17. she thinks that because they live in rural wisconsin that they know nothing about culture. the daughter said "i speak spanish" and the scary mom said "well, you'll learn some french before i leave." like french is any better than spanish? ugh.

9:25 - the scary FL mom makes the WI family go for a run. they are pissed. especially the dad. he's pissed because she basically called him a porker. not cool in my book. they hate how pushy she is. i do too. why make a family run three miles if they don't want to? bitch.

9:27 - the WI mom is up at 5:30am with nothing to do. and the dorky husband just eats peanut butter sandwiches all day long. it's true. oh, and he doesn't speak. she says "i don't know what the deal is with him. is he like this all the time?" poor lady. i'd hate to be ignored, too.

9:28 - FL mom bonds with the pig on the farm. "i feel like they [the animals] love me!" she's very sad to see the chicken die. but she thought she could bring it back to life, even though it is DEAD. probably the funniest moment so far.

9:30 - crazy FL mom wants to have a funeral for the chicken. the kids just want to eat it. hey, they kill the chickens for food all the time!

9:34 - WI dad says he doesn't want help with the chores. "you look so nice, i wouldn't want you to get dirty." the kids give him the evil eye as he leaves them with her.

9:35 - crazy FL lady MAKES them do the Electric Slide. "they don't have dancing in wisconsin". yes, she really said that. wow. i didn't know that! how is my husband able to shake his booty so well? he grew up in WI and he's a machine on the dance floor.

9:36 - the WI kids said "please don't rearrange the furniture. my mom would be upset." so the crazy FL mom goes and rearranges everything. the kids are pissed. they give her the evil eye and then laugh at her while she does the electric slide by herself. second funniest moment so far.

9:37 - "this is too weird" says the WI dad as he watched the crazy FL mom dance by herself. preach it, man!

9:38 - WI mom got teary when she put the FL kids to bed. says it reminds her of when her kids were little. awww. then she hears some weird sounds outside. she goes to investigate.

9:39 - the dorky husband lifts a shitload of weights after he thinks everyone is asleep. he probably weighs 130 soaking wet and he's lifting no less than 230. for rlz. of course, a generic version of "eye of the tiger" is playing over his weightlifting montage. the WI mom says "Oh. My. God." third time i laughed out loud and said "honey! you're missing this!" phillip said "ok" without looking at the TV. he doesn't share my enthusiasm for cheese on TV.

9:44 - the WI family bask in the silence out on their porch as the crazy FL mom does laundry. the son hasn't said one word the whole show.

9:45 - the WI family is pissed that the crazy FL mom is reading them books for 3 year olds in both FRENCH and ENGLISH. "Puppy Finds a Friend" is one of the books she's reading. "I was like 'holy crap, man!'" the WI dad said off camera. the kids want to kill her. i would too! she's totally patronizing them and she seriously believes that they were ENJOYING it. if i were a 17 year old and some bottle blonde with a fake bake was reading me "Puppy Finds a Friend", i'd be pissed off, too! the irony? she can hardly speak a word of french. so bogus.

9:48 - the WI mom just wants to have a conversation with the dorky husband and he just doesn't want to speak. damn it's painful to watch. i feel bad for her. she asks questions to try to get him to open up.

9:49 - the dorky hubby admits he doesn't like to be around people. but he's sad that his wife parties all the time with her friends. she even goes away with them but leaves him home. bitch.

9:50 - the crazy FL mom's friends kidnap the WI mom to go out to the "Blue Martini". she doesn't want to go, but this is TV so she's going.

9:50 - the crazy friends proclaim that they are "happily divorced" after the WI mom says she's been happily married for 18 years. bitches.

9:51 - the crazy friends act like 18 year olds, instead of 40-somethings, trying to get the WI mom to dance. she says she's not into it. i don't blame her. these chicks are SKANKS. and you know, the skank tends to rub off.

9:53 - very funny nextel commercial with guys dancing to salt and peppa's "push it". i'm thinking this is going to be a two-parter.

9:55 - back at the club, the skanks ask if the WI mom is up to "partying on the town". she says "no thanks" and the bitches laugh at her. bitches. then they talk about how easy it is to hook up with guys when they are out. charming.

9:56 - the WI mom talks about how the friends should take the dorky hubby out dancing and the skanks said "we can make him our driver!" cunts.

9:57 - WI mom thinks that the crazy FL mom treats the dorky husband like dirt. good observation! "i think he gets lost in the shuffle", she says. she vows to fix the problem.

9:58 - show ends.


DAMN YOU FOX!

it's a two parter! I HAVE TO WAIT TILL NEXT WEEK! i KNEW this would happen. not cool, FOX. not cool. it's embarassing to say "i can't go out friday night. i have to watch the second half of trading spouses."

crap.

2 comments:

Voix said...

Yeah -- well, tell people that you have to dye your roots instead. . .

I like cheezy TV sometimes, but I think I'd have gotten annoyed with the FL lady and switched off after the first children's book thing.

I'll check back for next week's episode.

Darcie said...

I never watch Fox, but I saw that episode for some reason. It was so captivating because Ann Marie was such a bitch! My favorite part was when she said "It takes a lot of work to look this good", and "If everyone would care more about the way they looked the world would be a better place." Seriously. And you're right, her French sucked. I can't wait till the next episode! Sconnies rule!