Life Is Funny, Sometimes

last night i was feeling enormously anxious. i haven't felt anxious in months (although i used to be on medication for anxiety and depression. more on that some other time). phillip and i tried to watch a movie, but i just couldn't concentrate. i was worried about this pain in my arm and going to see a doctor in an unfamiliar place and do i have a fever? am i going crazy? why is my heart beating so slow? you know, typical anxiety crap.

i went to bed early because i needed to be alone in a dark room to calm my head down. i don't know when i fell asleep, but i was awake at 2:30am. the people upstairs were having another huge fight and it sounded like they were throwing shoes at each other or something. they clomped around and slammed and dropped and paced and yelled for at least an hour. or that's what it felt like.

i fell back to sleep and then got up at 7:15 or so. i checked the bus schedules over and over to make sure i had the right time (today IS saturday, after all) and headed out to the bus stop at 8:10. according to the schedule, the bus was supposed to come at 8:22. by 8:52, there was still no bus. i was supposed to be at the appointment at 8:45. i had to call and cancel it. only i didn't actually get to speak to anyone. everything was automated and so i had to leave a message. who knows if they got it or not? not me.

so i slunked back into the house, my hands and feet frozen solid, and put on some coffee. my arm is still hurting, but i'm trying to ignore it. phillip (who is not a doctor, by the way) assures me it's nothing. he might be right, he might not. but at any rate, i'm pissed that i spent all that energy stressing over this appointment and i didn't even make it.