Thursday, March 30, 2006

Open Letter to the Minnesota DMV

Dear Minnesota Department of Motor Vehicles,

I felt I should write this letter to tell you how upset I am with you. Actually, I'm more than just upset. I'm furious.

I went to see you this afternoon to finally obtain the license you've been keeping from me. The first time we met you said I had to have a real copy of my birth certificate in order for you to give me my license. I made sure I had my mom send me the "real" birth certificate so you wouldn't bitch the next time I went to see you. I had it all nice and neat and ready for you to accept when I came over. I was prepared.

Well, when I handed you my real birth certificate this afternoon, you told me that it was no good. You could not give me my license because there's a white smudge on the yellow paper where my father's name is typed. You even went far enough to say that you felt that two different typewriters pecked out the information on the paper, therefore it was considered "fraudulent". You pretty much assumed I was trying to defraud you, and therefore wouldn't give me what was rightfully mine.

I couldn't believe you were serious. But I guess you were. You called me a fraud.

You didn't care that I had 10 other forms of identification on me. You didn't care that I said I need my license by Monday for my new job. And when I started crying, all you could say was "Sorry, but I can't accept this. Please come back with another copy that doesn't have smudges on it."

I asked to speak with your supervisor. You said you'd talk to him for me. Where do you get off bullying me? I didn't enter into this relationship to be bullied, you know! I have a real, legal document in front of me, and your pimply faced "manager" is going to tell you to tell me to go away? And you expect me to obey?

You haven't heard the last of me, MN-DMV. I'll be back and you better believe that I will not wait in line for 20 minutes. I will not take the test again, and I will not say "Thank you" when you finally give me what is mine. Do you understand that? You've put me through two months of hell and I am not done with you. Mark my words. I'll be back.

Hating your guts,


ps) I know where you live. Expect a bill for $56.95 ($45 for a new copy of my birth certificate plus $11.95 for shipping) in your mailbox soon. You owe me.


taylor said...

That really, really sucks. You should contact your representatives on the state and county levels and let them know what happened. Even if you don't get re-imbursed, which I imagine you would, you will cause a headache for the ass who wouldn't help you.

nita said...

i second taylor ...

and! i know you just left here, but i can't believe the amount of paperwork i needed to get my license in massachusetts. no lie, i thought the list of docs on the website was a joke. or an exaggeration. or stupid.

Lisa said...

That is absurd! It's funny how difficult it is for U.S. born American citizens to get a new license but there's oh-so-many illegal aliens whose fake documents slipped through the cracks and are driving around no problem.

I'm sorry that in order to work at the DMV you have to be a huge asshole :(

Honey Bunny said...


that's bizarre! when i got my license in 1998 switched from NY to MA all they did was take my NY license and ask for proof of residency. that's it! i don't know why MN is being such dicks about it.


i'll be asking for re-imbursement, for sure. i've been to the DMV twice in two months, and both times they wouldn't give me my license. AND by the time my "new" birth certificate arrives (the NY State website says they won't even process the request for 14 business days) it will be past the 30 days the MN-DMV gives you as a 'grace period' before you have to re-take the test. it's ridiculous.

Lucas said...

Every DMVs in every state is run entirely by assholes. Inbred morons who know no other way to treat people than with ignorance, disdain and just plain bad manners. It's a requirement of the job. They test you for it before hiring you. You have to pee into a little cup and if the test comes back positive for the asshole gene, you're in like Flynn. Enough said. Sorry HB. Hope you get what's yours and they get what's theirs!

Joshy55013 said...

The DMV has been good to me! (please don't throw rotton food)

My license expired in June while I was still here in Grenada. I emailed them for forms to renew while living overseas and had a reply in my inbox within an hour. 2 weeks later (mail takes that long) I had renewal forms...

If all continues to go this well, I'll have my new license in a few more weeks!

Ha ha ha!

Honey Bunny said...

sure, josh, rub it in!!