Sunday, November 30, 2008

What Does This MEAN?

The other night I had a dream that I had to take a CPR course for work. Now, I work as a Technical Analyst, so there's no way my job would require me to be certified in CPR. Anyway, in my dream, there were no plastic dummies on which to practice. Instead, we were paired with other people. I thought this was super creepy and weird, but I had to do this for my work, so I went with it.

When it came time to being paired with a partner, I look over to see who I'll be breathing into, and it's none other than Al Franken! I thought it was odd that he'd be in this class, too, since I didn't think Senators needed to know CPR.

If all of this isn't weird enough, the instructor informed us that we are supposed to really choke on something, in order to make the experience "realistic". I said "What? This is CPR training, not Heimlich training!" and Al said "Just go with it. I'll be fine!"

So Al proceeded to choke on something (I don't know what and the why of it all still boggles my mind) and it was my job to save him. Only I couldn't because this was a CPR training class and I had no idea what I was doing. So I pinched his nose and breathed into his mouth and pounded his chest like you see in the movies. I'm freaking out because the next Senator from Minnesota could die right in front of me AND IT WOULD BE MY FAULT because I don't know how many times to push on his ribcage to get him breathing again and deep down I know this isn't going to work because he's got something lodged in his throat which means he won't be getting any of the air I'm breathing into him and I feel like all the pressure of the world is on me TO SAVE AL FRANKEN!

Just when I thought all hope was lost, Al started coughing and looked me right in the eye and said "OK. Not bad. Your turn."

Then I woke up.

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