What A Start To The Day

dear guy on the #1:

are you aware that you smell like cabbage? i mean, you, sir, STINK of cabbage. and now that i have your stink in my nose, i can't get rid of it. now i'm paranoid that i stink like cabbage, too. dude, take a bath. use soap.

dear harvard university marching band:

who thought it would be a good idea to march around harvard square at 7:45am on a saturday? not only did you prevent my bus (and the bus in front of that and the bus in front of that) to get down mass ave, you were playing to about 6 people who happened to be in the square. what's the point if there's no one around to see or hear you? shouldn't you plan your parade for noon or something? i didn't think you were all that hot. and i laughed at your uniforms. ha. ha.


dear #72 busdriver:

i'm sorry that you hate your job and that driving a bus all day is such a huge strain on your personal life, but do you think you can put your cellphone down for a half second and pay attention to the road? you almost ran over a mom and her kid this morning! and when someone presses the "stop" button, don't keep going! stop when someone yells "STOP THE BUS!" again, put down your goddamn cell phone and do your fucking job. if you can't handle it, quit! i'm sure there are people out there who are in need of a job and would be happy to take over for you.


dear scientist:

please don't leave me a long rambling note on my desk about how you're leaving for spain and you need your stuff printed out. that's not my job. you should have done that before you left or arranged with a collegue or TA to do it for you. if you leave a project for 3 weeks while you go to europe, it's obviously not that important. so, yeah, print your own stuff when you get back. or not. i don't care.


dear techtronix 6200:

you don't have a jam! stop sending me email that you have a jam. you do not have a jam, ok? get over it and move on. i've already spent 20 minutes with you. stop being an attention whore. the other printers are talking about you behind your back. you don't want that, do you? so stop it with the LOOK AT ME I'VE GOT A JAM! crap, because you and i know it's just not true.


thank you for your time and consideration.

-j