Thursday, March 09, 2006

No License for Me

and no, it wasn't because i didn't pass the test. i did. i only missed two questions because i wasn't paying attention. but i WAS paying attention when i left the house this morning. i was so prepared. i brought with me the following:

  • my MA drivers license
  • my social security card
  • my birth certificate
  • my marriage certificate
  • proof of address change (two forms)
  • old ID badge from college (as another form of photo ID)
  • three credit cards, my library card, and debit card

    i got in line, waited 20 minutes to get to the front. i was handed a number and told to take the test. i spend about 10 minutes taking the test and pass. get back in line for 45 minutes, to have a woman tell me i have to fill out an application. fill out application and sit in the waiting area. wait 25 minutes for them to call my name. Finally get up to the front.

    "ok, jeanne. when you come back next time, make sure you have your marriage certificate and birth certificate, ok"?

    "i have both of those. they are right here." i hand the woman my papers.

    "no, see i can't take this. your birth certificate has to be have an official stamp on it. this is just a copy".

    "but i have never had any other "copy" than this one. i've had it with me since 1993."

    "sorry. we need a "real" one. not this copy. please come back within 30 days with your "real" birth certificate. NEXT!"

    i stood there for a minute, totally flabbergasted. i have 11 forms of identification that shows i am who i say i am. but she cannot take a yellowed, ripped, dog-eared copy of my birth certificate that proves that i'm alive and breathing right now? my social security card and my birth certificate MATCH. the first name listed on my marriage certificate shows my maiden name. what other proof can i give you that shows that i am a breathing mass of cells in front of you?!?

    so now i have to figure out where to get an "official" copy of my birth certificate. the last time i checked (when i thought the one i have was stolen when our apartment was robbed) i have to pay $50 to the state of NY to have a new one re-issued. can i bill that $50 to the state of Minnesota? i just think it's completely ridiculous since i've used that "copy" for the past 13 years and have NEVER had a problem anywhere. so bogus.

    the good thing that happened today
    is that i was in and out of the social security office within 15 minutes. i showed them my marriage license, MA driver's license, and old SS card and i had a new one issued to me with my married name on it. no muss, no fuss, and i'll have it in my hand in 2 weeks.

    the other bad thing that happened today is that i got nowhere with unemployment. so i guess i'll just have to let it go and keep living off my husband (something i hate to do) until i get a job. and to think i was told it would be "so much easier" to collect unemployment because i worked for the government for three years. yeah, right.

    the best part of the day was that i got to spend it with my mother in law who is fabulous. we went shopping! and then i got to hear stories about phillip as a kid. that's the best. like this gem: did you know phillip wanted a monkey when he was a boy? not a helper monkey, but a best friend monkey to take to school and play with. isn't that adorable? IT IS! the mom-in-law stayed till 8. we watched survivor and then she left. i'm hoping we can go to her house for easter. that would be fab.

    now i'm going to chill with my monkey loving husband. i missed him today.

    Lucas said...

    HB- Sorry you got the runaround! The DMV always sucks! May I suggest getting a passport because that is one solid piece of identification. You won't get it within 30 days (it takes like 2 months or something) but it's good for 10 years and then you'll be ready to jet off to Milan on a moments notice should the occasion arise. You won't need to worry about your birth certificate ever again! (Of course, you might need your birth certificate to get your passport, I'm not sure!)

    Julie Du. said...

    Can I say?!? This is my FAVORITE post of yours of all time. Not just because you end it with the monkey-loving husband bit -- good stuff, that! But I can really relate to your struggle to confirm you are YOU.

    When I married Michael in October, I took his name. (I just think it's weird to keep your ex-husband's name, and equally weird to go back to my maiden name at this point.) It has been a NIGHTMARE. The lines! The forms! The beaurocracy! It's been crazy. Ironically, I can't tell you how many times I offered my new driver's license for ID with my new credit card. Not one person has noticed my CC says "Opperman," and my license says "DuRose." In my opinion that's evidence of a huge disconnect.

    Wow. It just occured to me, that if I moved to another state, I would probably also have to have an official proof of divorce certificate, too, in addition to what you have here. I guess that's a check in the "stay in MN" category.

    Honey Bunny said...

    the ironic thing is that i found out you need a driver's license to get your birth certificate. but of course, you can't get your birth certificate without a drivers license.

    I LOVE IT!