Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Don't Dooce Me. This Story Is A Good One.

I think my first post about my temp job mentioned a guy who sits behind me who i thought was my nemesis. He's not my nemesis, he's my archenemy. That's far worse than any nemesis I've ever had. I wouldn't mind having a drink with my nemesis so I could tell her how awesome my life is while hoping hers is terrible. But this guy, my archenemy...I don't want to have to share the air we breathe, if you catch my drift.

Since I have two weeks left (although it might be one week left, I will find out on Friday) I feel I can tell you about this jerkface that sits behind me. I probably could have written about it sooner, since no one reads my blog or anything, but I wanted to wait til now.

I'll protect his identity a little. Or a lot, since you can Google him and, well, I just don't want the trouble. Let's say his name is Justin. Justin has this extremely annoying habit of spelling out his last name whenever he's on the phone. It's gotten to be so annoying and so repetetive that I have his opening introduction memorized. It goes a little like this:

"Hi can I speak to Mister Johnson please? This is Justin Akrub. A-K-R-U-B. I'm calling about...."

If his constant spelling of his last name isn't annoying enough, he's got this super smarmy used car salesman kind of voice. Every time he speaks the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. It's really hard to describe how awful his voice is, but I'll try. He sounds like someone who is trying to be all slick and suave. You know, Lounge Lizard Larry type of smarm. The thing is, he's so unattractive that the sound of his voice is even more absurd. Can you hear it in your head? I hear it over and over all day long.

Anyway, one of the chicks I've become friends with at this place (she's also a temp) hates this dude as much as me. She's about three cubes away from the him, but she can hear him all day long too. I see the hairs bristling on the back of her neck when he talks, as well. But today was particularly horrible.

The nature of this job is to call people and get money from their dead family members. I mean, it's not my job (thank god), but the attorneys who work right next to me have to do that. Well, Justin A-K-R-U-B called someone today and was so rude to the person on the other end. He was demanding money and being just so smarmy and rude and disgusting. His voice was dripping evil. I can't even remember the exact conversation, but I do remember him telling the person on the other end (who recently lost a loved one) that they must pay up NOW because the "deal" that "his client" made with the debtor is going to expire at the end of the day and then, well, what are they going to do? The language he uses is totally threatening and if I were on the other end of that phonecall, I would have hung up as soon as he started spelling his name.

He does this kind of thing all day long. It's maddening. And on Monday I listened to him talk to another guy about how he watched "all the stupid bitches" try to dig their cars out of the snowbanks. My jaw just dropped. How is this guy allowed to work in public? He's a foul mouthed, unprofessional, disgusting, mysogynistic asswipe. I hope that karma gets him and when someone HE loves dies, he's harassed by a collections agent who lacks compassion and basic people skills. See how he likes it.

I hate this guy, and I'm so glad I'm out of there in two weeks. I hope I never see that jerk again OR hear him spelling his name. I hope I never meet another person like him again for the rest of my life. He makes me feel like I'm covered in a layer of slime and need a shower to get rid of it. All from the sound of his voice!

Next time I'll write about a woman who is OMG! IN LUV with A-K-R-U-B and spends all her free time talking about absolutely nothing in front of his cube so he has to notice her. I haven't seen that kind of behavior since Junior High.

Oh, how I love working in an Office!

ps) I wonder if Justin Akrub A-K-R-U-B introduces himself like that at dinner parties? I doubt it. I mean, he'd have to get invited to a dinner party first, right?


Cat said...

Oh you poor girl! I know just the type of guy you are talking about. I am sorry you have to deal with that bullshit! I am glad you do not have a permanent job next to this joker. I would when you are through, send a letter to e-mail to his boss, and let him know how threatening he is to clients, and how profane his language is. Just so his boss knows and maybe Justin A.K.R.U.B.will get in trouble. Just a thought.
Hang in there girlfriend, it is almost over! :)
PS, some girls are just crazy. How can you like someone like Justin A.K.R.U.B. I just do NOT get it...

doug said...

id take that guy over my boss. shes one of those bitchy towny types. remember townies; bad hair, kinda butchy, not too bright, etc? yeah, i have one of those as my boss.