Sunday, April 29, 2007

I'm A (Temporary) Culinary Moron

I usually pride myself in my cooking ability. I can usually whip up something tasty in a few minutes without a lot of fuss. That was my goal for this morning, but I failed miserably.

Let's keep in mind that I pretty much rolled out of bed and into the kitchen, still bleary-eyed and foggy from a strange dream I had about swimming or something.

I figure that since Phillip had to go to work in, oh, 40 minutes, I'd just open a tube of low fat cinnamon rolls and pop them in the oven. Also make some coffee/tea for a good breakfast. I put the water on and got the cinnamon rolls out of the fridge.

I greased the bottom of the pan and placed the rolls in a circular shape. I reached into the spice cabinet and pulled out the cinnamon sugar to sprinkle on top of the rolls. I passed the shaker over the rolls twice before I realized that I was NOT using the cinnamon sugar, but instead garlic powder! The containers are identical and I didn't bother reading the label before liberally dosing each cinnamon roll. With garlic. GARLIC! I stood there in shock for about 10 seconds before screaming

"OH MY GOD! I'M A FUCKING IDIOT! IIIIIDDDDDDDDDIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT!"

Phillip came into the kitchen to see what the problem was. I told him what happened.

"Can't you just wipe it off?"

I tried wiping it off, but it just made it worse.

"I think you should just throw them out," said Phillip.

"No. they might taste OK," I said.

So I decided to cut about 1/8 inch off the tops of each cinnamon roll, to get rid of most of the garlic. Then I mixed together cinnamon, sugar, and brown sugar in a bowl and coated each roll with the mixture. I placed them all back in the pan (after scrubbing it out, of course!) and popped them into the oven.

The smell coming out of the kitchen was that of sweetened garlic toast. Not bad, but not what your minds-eye has of cinnamon rolls. After 20 minutes, I took them out and poured the vanilla glaze over the tops. I let them cool for about 10 minutes and then decided to try the disaster I created.

"Mmm. not bad," I say. "Do you want some?"

"Uh, no....I'm scared," said Phillip.

"Don't be a pussy!," I yell at him.

Ok, that exchange didn't really happen. Just making sure you're still reading.

"They aren't that bad!," I say. "There's only a hint of garlic. Seriously!"

"Yeah, i'll pass," said Phillip as he took a bite out of a poptart.

So that's the story of how I ruined a simple task of baking cinnamon rolls. But I'm confident to say that it would never have happened if I were fully awake. For real.

2 comments:

cat said...

How funny! I can laugh because it sounds like something I would do on a sleepy morning! Hope all else is well!

doug said...

mmm...delicious garlicky cinnamon rolls. just like momma used to make. when she was drunk sunday mornings.