Saturday, September 22, 2007

On Getting Older

I ususally do a count-down before my birthday. When I was younger, it would start aout 2 months ahead of time. But once I turned 25, I lessened it to a month. After 30 it fell to one week. Now that I'm turning 32 in 12 days, I just don't even want to think about it.

The Big Thing that has got me all nostalgic today is that 16 years ago this weekend was my Sweet 16 birthday party. Holy shit, what a blast. Of course, I was still 15 at the time, but had to have my party that weekend so all my friends (both near and far) could attend.

We also got our very old, very loud, and very scary VCR (that i thought we left behind in Boston) hooked up in the bedroom, so I've been watching old VHS tapes I made over the past 17 years. some make me laugh, most of them make me cringe, and all of them make me wish I were that young again... just for a day. Although I don't know what I was thinking with this outfit:

Did you notice the song playing in the background? Yeah...WTF?

Besides my 16th birthday party, I also have my 22nd birthday party caught on tape. That one is out of control and not fit for broadcasting on the internets. It was the last time that I had a kick-ass birthday party where I was surrounded by a crapload of my closest friends. I miss those days, for sure. I wish I could time travel back to 1997 and tell myself things that I know now. You know, like which men to avoid so they don't ruin 5 years of my life. And I'd like to party with my friends again. That would be awesome.

I also found a tape of my Advanced Speech class where I gave a speech on the recurring themes and characters in Quentin Tarantino films. I was a hard-core Tarantino fan, for sure. That was totally funny to watch. But what was even more funny was the fact that during the four taped speeches, I'm wearing the same outfit, even though they were taped over the course of a semester! HA! I've never been one for fashion, that's for sure.

I don't want to be 32. My life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it to. I'm trying to work on reversing the damage I've done, but I'm not sure if it's possible. And it's true, I dread my birthday now. I hate my 30s. Here's hoping 40s really IS the new 20s.


cat said...

Hi HB,
I know what you are feeling exactly! My 30's have been rough as well. 30 was REALLY hard, 35 was pretty hard though too. It sux, I know. (I turned 35 in May) but I know exactly how you are feeling, good to know at least one other person understands. I pulled out 21 gray hairs Sat AM. YIKES!!!

Michelle said...

I know how you feel, too. Although, for me, it's about my 20's and not my 30's. I too feel like my life isn't where I wanted it to be. I am so ready to move onto my 30's and leave my lack luster 20's behind.

I loved your video from your sweet sixteen party! I had the same HUGE glasses. :)