I Hate Star Wars

have i mentioned how much i hate star wars?

i hate star wars with the intensity of a thousand burning suns.

i'd like to go as far as saying that i also hate star wars fans, but i can't. i have some friends who like star wars and they are cool. i guess i just hate those fans who are so obsessed that their lives revolve around these movies.

let me tell you a little story.

i was engaged once before. i'd like to think it was many moons ago, but sadly, it was only about three years ago. the man i was engaged to was an overly obsessed, tragically compulsive star wars fan. there's a difference between loving a movie, and L O V I N G a movie. hell, i love The Nightmare Before Christmas (actually ALL of Tim Burton's stuff), but you don't see me collecting everything and anything that has to do with Burton's films. my ex was different. for the three years i was with him, every day was a hunt for star wars collectables. he watched one of the movies at least once a week. he was a member of many online forums that took up most of his time. if he wasn't chatting online with other SW dorks, he was reading articles about SW or writing fan fiction crap about SW. Star Wars came before me all the time. i'm not joking. when you ask him, "who do you love more? your girlfriend or star wars?" the answer was always "why are you making me choose?".

do any of you know what that's like? to have a MOVIE with FICTIONAL CHARACTERS mean more to the man than the woman he's supposed to spend the rest of his life with?!?

so here i was, stuck in a horrific relationship with an obsessive-compulsive, overly dramatic, throw-a-temper-tantrum star wars fan. i don't think you understand how obsessed he was. let me point out some things he did:

• he would buy every action figure that toy stores across massachusetts and new hampshire put on their shelves. sometimes he'd buy two of the same toy. i'd say "but they are the SAME!" and he'd say "no they're NOT! this one has some blue paint where the white should be! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!?"
  
• he forced me to watch the original three movies. when i say "forced" i'm serious. if i fell asleep, he would rewind the tape and make me watch it from the begining!. sure, many of you are saying "how could he FORCE you?" the joke at the time would be me saying "he used the FORCE" (har har har!) but seriously, this man had a horrible temper and would lash out a lot. so it was easier for me to sit there than to endure his screaming like a child.
  
• he would fly into a rage if i decided to talk through a commercial that featured anything star wars. you know that 7-11 commercial that's on right now? the one with the kid sucking a slurpee through a darth vader cup? if i so much as BREATHED through that commercial, he'd have a fucking FREAK OUT! no matter how many times he's seen it, if i said a word, he'd lose his shit.
  
• he would spend the $8.50 to buy a ticket to a god-awful movie just to watch the star wars trailer. once the trailer ended, he would leave. he did that a handful of times. sorry, but that's ridiculous.
  
• he bought every cereal in the grocery store that had a SW toy inside. as you know, the majority of cereals that features a KIDS toy are sugar coated. imagine a 30 year old man, scarfing down boxes and boxes of sugar coated cereal JUST TO GET THE TOY INSIDE. and you know what he'd do afterward? he blamed ME because he gained 30 pounds. seriously. this is no lie.
  
• he would play with his action figures. i don't need to elaborate. just picture a 30 year old man playing with plastic toys. on a daily basis.
  
• our house was a shrine to george lucas and everything SW. many of my friends said "do you live here at all?" because there was no evidence of anything that I liked. i've got the photos to prove it.
  
• he would recite lines from the movie all the time, and usually in the most awkward situations. he thought it was hysterical! it wasn't. it was embarassing, especially when no one had a fucking clue what he was talking about. i always rolled my eyes and cringed because it was so embarassing.
  
• when we first met, and i think it was literally on our first date, he told me that when episode 2 comes out, i would not see him. i dismissed it as a joke. but lo and behold, when episode 2 was released in theaters, i did not see him for a week. this isn't a joke. he took at least 4 days off of work to see this movie over and over and over again. he saw it in boston. he saw it in providence. he saw it in nashua. and i didn't hear from him in a week. and then after that, he'd still see it at least once a week, sometimes twice. yeah. i'm dead serious. we never seemed to have enough money for groceries (he only "allowed" me to spend $40 a MONTH on groceries), yet money was no object when it came to his addiction.
  
• and the worst of the worst, he wanted to have a star wars wedding, complete with people in full costume and that god awful music playing as we "walked down the aisle".

yes, you heard me right. a star wars wedding.

i was so fiercly against it and he was such an egomaniac that he (for the 1+ years we were engaged) kept saying "you'll LOVE it!" and would actually brainstorm ideas with his mom (oh, don't get me started on his relationship with his mom, either) whenever we went to visit her. i would look right at both of them and declare my hatred for SW, but they would just laugh and laugh and dismiss me. they said "oh, but it would be so AWESOME!" and i'd say "AWESOME for WHO? HELLO! I'M PART OF THIS EQUATION YOU KNOW!?!"

do you know how much anger and resentment built up inside me? more than words can quantify.

i've always hated star wars. i was really, really happy to have made it through 26 years without seeing one. i was hoping to go another 26 years, but i was forced to sit through FIVE of them. i want those hours back.

i'm so grateful that i'm now engaged to a man who knows good film. in the three years i was with my ex, we saw ONE film that i wanted to see (the royal tenenbaums at the $2 theater is salem) and he sighed and fidgeted through the entire thing. can you believe that? in three years, i only saw one film that is worth mentioning. all the rest were CRAP (like lord of the rings - barf) and just brain mushing.

man, i feel bad for whatever woman he's with now. unless, of course, she's just as insane as he is. although i can't imagine anyone being more obsessed than he is.

that's why i'm so grateful to have phillip. he KNOWS what good film is. he actually can have a discussion with me after the movie is over. and by "discussion" i don't mean "that was good/bad" and that's it. we're really able to talk about it. and that's something that's really valuble to me.

and the best part thing in my life right now? we will not be seeing star wars. there's nothing sweeter than hearing the man you love say "no way. we're not going to see that crap."

nothing.