Friday, June 17, 2005

Kiss Your Self Respect Goodbye

Dear Katie-

I'm just curious about what you've been thinking these past couple of months? What drew you to Tom? I can't, for the life of me, understand. You know he's gay, right? He's also got a Napoleon complex. Don't be surprised if he makes you stop wearing heels while you're out in public. I hear he did that to Nichole, too. And what's up with you converting to Scientology? You know that's a completely messed up "religion", don't you? Don't come running to me when Tom starts to brainwash you. Wait, it looks as though he has already begun.

Seriously, Katie, why did you accept his proposal? You're so young and have so much life to live. Please, for the love of L. Ron Hubbard, do not marry him! It's much better to have people gossip about how you broke off an engagement with a deranged little man than talk about your bitter divorce. You know he's going to want you to pop out little Cruise babies, right? Do you want that? And when you go through your post partum phase and get depressed (many women do, it's natural), your husband is going to throw VITAMINS at you and tell you to get over it. Is that what you want? Really?

And didn't he embarass you when he was on Oprah? I mean, not just about the depression thing, but when he was jumping up and down, declaring his love for you? Any self respecting woman would have been somewhat embarassed by that. It's not cute; it's creepy.

It's not too late, Katie, to get out of this. Just tell him you're going shopping and that you'll be back "later". Just grab some clothes, get on a plane, and come out here. I'll let you stay with me and phillip for a while till things blow over. And I'll introduce you to my friend Larry. He's had a crush on you since the first season of Dawson's Creek. He's a good guy and can treat you right. He has his own house, car, and a stable job. Plus, he's sweet and really funny. And if you get sad, he won't make you take vitamins to feel better.

So, what do you say?


halloweenlover said...

Is that Oprah in the right corner there grabbing Katie's hand and pulling her away from Tom? RUN KATIE RUN!

Fucking Hilarious HB.

Honey Bunny said...

yep, that's Oprah's hand, trying to save Katie from the clutches of eeee-vill!

i seriously hopes that either 1) she has a LONG engagement to Tom or 2) comes to her senses and breaks it off.

seriously, she's being brain washed. i always thought she was smarter than this...

Anonymous said...

I have always thought Tom Cruise was a first class creep. Another blogger here in Washington, D.C. turned me on to this article called "Cruise Encounters of the Third Time," at:

Someone needs to rescue Katie. She is in SERIOUS trouble.

I discovered your blog while posting on Bostonist, Honey. I like it.

~~ Washington Cube;jsessionid=7ADF4CB6B1F47C488D55EFA83C72FE6C

Honey Bunny said...

hey there Washington Cube (is that what i should call you?) :)

i wanted to comment in your blog, but sadly, i don't have an AOL account. i just wanted to say that Leslie and the Lys are going to be at Great Scott in Allston on July 5. i hope to catch her and see what her deal is. and i'll make sure to take pictures.

as for tom cruise, he's a complete nutjob. i agree that katie is in serious trouble. i don't normally care about celebrities, but when brainwashing is involved, all i can think of is Heaven's Gate and those poor testicle-less saps who died after being totally brainwashed. i don't want to see that happen to Katie. well, i mean, not the testicles part, of course... :)

Anonymous said...

Honey: Your comments did land on my blog page, courtesy of AIM :)

Call me Cubie.

Thanks again for leaving comments at my site. See you on the blog playground.;jsessionid=7ADF4CB6B1F47C488D55EFA83C72FE6C