Friday, January 13, 2006

Trading Spouses, Part Duh

ok, i liveblogged this last week, so i better do the conclusion right now.

i asked phillip if he was excited to watch the show and he said "not really." so he just played civilization 4 and mocked me. that's ok. i know he still loves me.

9:02 - "there's something wrong in this marriage" says the WI mom. she notices that there aren't any pics of the FL couple at all in their house. that's creepy if you ask me. "she doesn't realize he's a good guy." dorky, but good.

9:03 - the FL kids have a death in the family. their hermit crab died. they are al sad. "he was my cutest animal". they all sniffle a bit and cry over a dead crab. dorks. but the dorky dad comforts them. that's kinda cool...i guess.

9:05 - they have funeral for hermit crab. the dad says some kind words. PETA would be proud.

9:07 - back in WI, the family talk about how the crazy FL mom is annoying and how much they hate her. they can't wait till she leaves.

9:07 - crazy FL mom plans a party. she makes them blow up flamingo and palm tree balloons. the kids hate it. especially the jumbo shark. "it's totally florida in here!" yeah...totally.

9:09 - FL mom thinks the kids are excited. they sit there waiting for someone to kill them now. 'i think your dad is going to love it!' he says "holy shit" when he walks in. yeah...he LOVES it.

9:10 - dorky dad gets himself an abstract algebra book as a present for himself. did i mention he's a dork? cool WI mom schemes to throw him a birthday party. FERSURE! totally awesome midwest accent!

9:12 - crazy FL mom keeps saying that a "real" dj is coming over to do the "real mixer" music because in FL they have DJs! she's so patronizing! i want to kick her ass. no one wants to dance, but she keeps saying "you're going to dance tonight!" you can tell people hate her already.

9:14 - DJ shows up. crazy FL mom says she can't wait to teach the country hicks how to do the electric slide. because, you know, there's no dancing in wisconsin. but the thing that gets me is that of all the fucking dances to do in all of the world, why on EARTH would she think that the electric slide is the one to do?

9:16 - there's no way to stop her. the WI dad is pissed. she tried to get grampy to dance. it looked like she was going to give the poor guy a stroke! SHE'S INSANE! and delusional because she's convinced that people like her and are having a good time.

9:17 - WI mom plans a special surprise party for the dorky FL dad. she wants to get him in the spotlight because the crazy FL mom doesn't care about him. dur. thaat's already been established. so the FL kids and the WI mom decorate the house all nice for the party. a NORMAL party, not like the FL woman who brought a giant, inflatable shark to her party.

9:18 - the doorbell rings and the FL dad is psyched that there are people here for his b-day, even though he doesn't let on. they bust out the spock ears because he loves the star trek. she drinks the punch for a bit, but then decides to go inside and up to his room. UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!

9:20 - ok...he's got the social anxiety. i understand that. i can empathize. but seriously,'re on TEE VEE! pretend to have a good time!

9:24 - dorky dad says "i'm not much for parties". he's so sad. flashback to the WI mom saying that he needs to change his shyness. and lo and behold! he busted out the star trek shirt and it was like all was OK in the world! GO WISCONSIN MOM!!now dorky dad is very happy and feels excepted. YAY!

9:26 - WI family is sick of the crazy FL mom. she tries to talk to the WI dad about his tools. only it's not sexual. she pretends to be interested in him talking about farmers auctions when you know she doesn't give two shits. DON'T BELIEVE IT, WISCONSIN DAD! she doesn't care about your tools! she just knows you're pissed off and is trying to compensate.

9:29 - phillip changes the channel to comedy central. i already know i'm going to have to yell at him three times to make him change it back to fox.

9:30 - CHANGE IT!

9:31 - wow. only had to ask once. good hubby.

9:32 - moms now write out how the other mom will spend their $50K

9:34 - the WI mom cries and says that she will miss the FL family. the dorky dad gives her mechanical pencils to give to all her family. that's just strange.

9:35 - the WI family is overjoyed to see the crazy mom leave. the dad said "THIS IS COOL!" and then you could tell he was embarassed to say it. but he means it. she's whacked.

9:36 - what's with the hat, FL mom? WI're lookin' gooooooooood in all that black!

9:36 - moms get ready to meet. moms hug. WI mom says she had a lot of fun. the FL mom says the WI house is "sweet" but that her family needs exercise. BITE IT! they are FARMERS!

9:37 - WI mom says that she feels sorry for the dorky dad so the crazy mom should take her hubby out more. the FL mom looks at the WI mom like "oh no you dii'iint, bitch".


9:41 - WI mom tries to explain that she thinks that the dorky dad should be encluded more. the FL mom says he's not in the photos because he's "quiet". she's a jerk. she can't believe her husband is "fun". she thinks that the WI mom is lying and that there's no way that the dorky dad could be fun. she suggests a 'date night' for the FL couple. but you can tell that the crazy mom won't be doing that at all. she's a bitch.

9:44 - they swap money, hug, and leave to go see their families.

9:45 - WI dad is waiting anxiously for his wife. the son still hasn't said a word. heh. they are overjoyed that she is home. i wold be too.

9:46 - the FL mom still has the stupid hat on. kids are excited to see the FL mom. the dorky dad gives her flowers but she doesn't seem to care. she spends time with the kids, but not her husband. he should move out!

9:47 - WI family opens the letter to find out that they are supposed to spend the money on: $5K on a hot tub; $10K for the college fund for the daughter; $10 for the college fund for the son (HE SPEAKS!) plus a car for him to get there; $25K to the dad to get the dad a new truck and to spruce up the farm. now the dad feels guilty for being mean to the crazy FL mom. BUT THE WI MOM DIDN'T GET ANY MONEY! fucking FL mom. i hate her!

9:53 - FL fam gets the letter. $2K to get an organizer. they all laugh except the dad. crazy mom says "but my house is clean! we have a maid!" the dad gets $5K for a trip to iceland, but the FL mom LAUGHS and says "what can you do in iceland?" (omg, kill me now); $10K to the mom and dad each to spend on anything; a bunch of money to spend on the kids college and $1K to have them fly out to WI to visit. of course the dorky hubby is all over that but the cunt of a mom just keeps laughing. "i just can't contain myself!" she says.

9:56 - WI family is so happy to have the mom back. that warms my heart. she said such nice things in her letter to the FL family.

9:57 - the FL mom just keeps laughing and laughing. the dorky dad says 'it's good to have you back.' of course the bitch says nothing but just goes to get changed. the dorky dad goes out side and cries a little tear. the show ends with him sitting alone. so sad.

WOW. that was kind of a letdown. but the crazy FL mom proves again and again what a horrible woman she is. i hope that her daughters don't grow up to be like her. and i hope that her husband grows some balls and divorces her. and takes everything, including the girls.

it looks like i'll have to watch next week's episode, too! DAMN YOU TRADING SPOUSES!!


Kelly said...

Dear Honey:

I know you were worried about the blue background, but the colors in this post on the blue background are seizure-inducing.



Honey Bunny said...

hi kelly-

thank you for letting me know. but the truth is, i was going for that effect. you know, the three-dee kinda feel...

of course, i kid. i'll fix it right now. thanks for being a good sport.

:) -honey bunny

Kelly said...

Wow. You fixed it lots. I like it better, anyway. Except I'm worried about the family in Florida.

Something dirty said...

That show makes me sad! Is that how families really are?

Honey Bunny said...

i'm sure that's how some families really are. the show makes me sad, too. except for the one with the crazy christian woman. she had me roaring with laughter!